Busted! 46 People Describe The Time They Got Caught Masturbating

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz.

1. Mom unlocked my door with her ’emergency’ key

“Yes, by my mother. I locked the door, and was in there for a long time, being quiet. My mom kept demanding I open the door and talk to her, and I wouldn’t. So she unlocked it (with a key I gave to her “for emergencies only”). Needless to say, I took my “emergency” key back.”

—brkb

2. She screamed, ‘You’re SICK!’, then slammed the door

“I remember once my mom walked in on me right when in the middle of ejaculation (I didn’t even hear her open the door…SMH)…She screamed, ‘You’re SICK!’, then slammed the door. I totally avoided her for that whole week because I was so damn embarrassed and, well, that was that.”

—ClickitBaby

3. My mom hasn’t said a word to me since

“So, I got home the other day and no one was around. I went to my room and closed the door and pulled my magazine collection out (well not really a collection, but like 3 mags). I got some lube and a couple paper towels, and laid on my bed going to town. I must not have heard the front door open because the next thing I knew my mom came into my room said ‘Hey Jer, I’m hom…!’ and then stared for a couple seconds and said ‘Sh!t’ and left the room. Needless to say I didn’t even finish myself off I was in such horror. I quickly put everything away and took off to a friend’s and came home late in the night. This was about 5 days ago, and my mom hasn’t said a word to me since. What should I do? Should I talk to her about it or should I just wait and see if it passes over? How should I go about talking to her, I can’t just say, ‘Hey mom, the other day when you caught be jerkin my gherkin,’ can I? It’s so awkward living in that house now!! BTW I’m 16 so I can’t move out or anything!”

—Jer

4. I was using a dildo and it was very obvious

“Hi I’m 21 I’m female and I’m in a loving relationship…I also masturbate. This morning I woke up and felt like pleasuring myself and my brother (23) quietly opened my door then shut it quickly as soon as he saw what I was doing (I was using a dildo and it was very obvious). I’m kind of upset because I live with my mom my brother and my boyfriend and I have told my mom AND my brother multiple times to respect our privacy and knock before you come in our room but they don’t seem to be getting the picture. So my brother went into the living room after and sat on the computer and after I got dressed I came out and said, ‘So I can expect that you will be knocking on my door from now on?’ and he just said, ‘Yeah.’ The annoying thing is that we had planned to go grocery shopping together today and I can’t even bear to look at him and he hasn’t turned around to look at me either. I hate this awkward feeling I’m trying to get over it but I can’t.”

—Name Withheld

5. My teenage daughter caught me with my Rabbit

“I had a pretty stressful day so got home and enjoyed a loud noisy orgasm or two courtesy of my Rabbit as it was mid afternoon and I had a couple of hours to myself. The phone rang. When I answered it, it was my 16-year-old daughter who said ‘don’t be mad mum, but I’m home…’ and who, as it turned out, was playing truant from school and had been sitting in her bedroom (in the attic, directly over my bedroom). I don’t know what traumatized her the most—being caught out playing hookey off school or the realization that her mum engages in noisy masturbation sessions in the middle of the afternoon but she’s never risked sneaking off school again since.”

—Rosalyn

6. Mom walked in on my while I had a Barbie in one hand and my penis in the other

“I was going through some old things in the garage and I found one of my sister’s Barbies. It was the Beach Fun Barbie so she was wearing this nice, red bathing suit and I always loved it so I took it into my room and I started pleasuring myself while holding the Barbie in the other hand and then suddenly my mom walks in on me. She screams and immediately closed the door.”

—Name Withheld

7. Mom caught me jerking it to Internet porn while smoking crack in the garage

“When I was 18, my mom walked in on me masturbating to Internet porn while smoking crack in the garage.”

—Mike

8. MY DAD WAS IN THE ROOM, sitting in his recliner—he had been there the entire time!

“I have NEVER told anyone this…not even my shrink!

I was about 14 or so, and a regular self-diddler.

One day I woke up from a nap on the couch & felt a little horn-ay & since I thought I was alone I decided to go at it, using my patented middle-finger technique.

I finished with a huge moan…then suddenly I heard something, like a person clearing his throat. MY DAD WAS IN THE ROOM, sitting in his recliner—he had been there the entire time!

I pretended I was sleeping and stayed there for at least an hour on the couch until my dad left the room. I was so utterly and totally mortified I have never even spoken of this until now. My dad, thankfully, never mentioned it, either.”

—Big-Eye-Tuna

9. She caught me and then offered to help

“When I was 15 I stood in one of the windows that faced the backyard one day and started jerking off thinking how HOT it was to do this in PUBLIC (sort of). As I got more into it, I didn’t notice the 13-year-old next-door neighbor girl crossing thru the backyard to her house. By the time I noticed her, she had stopped to watch. When I saw her, I just stopped kind of shocked and embarrassed, but she put up a finger like to say 1 minute and went to my back door and came in. I was more shocked it seemed than she was. She asked if she could do it for me and, of course I said YES!! She finished me off and it was GREAT!!! She told me she had been doing it to her 2 older bothers for about a year and a half sometimes both at the same time. It excited me to hear her talk about it and I got hard again, so she did me again. She did me a few more times after that, but then she moved away. I still try to get caught from time to time jerkin’ off and even though I have gotten girls to do it for me, nothing beats that 1st time.”

—Ryan

10. My ten-year-old son witnessed me masturbating and I am completely mortified

“My ten-year-old son witnessed me masturbating and I am completely mortified. It happened a couple nights ago, I was in my bedroom and thought he was fast asleep. But he often comes into my bedroom at night to sleep next to me. Now before you say he’s too old for this, etc. etc., we are going through a hard time (my husband died six months ago) and he’s afraid of everything these days and hates being alone. Anyways I didn’t hear him come in and I’m not sure how much he saw, but he just said ‘Mom can I sleep with you?’ I was obviously taken completely by surprise, pulled up my clothes and said ‘Okay.’ He went straight back to sleep in my bed and nothing was said about what happened. But then in the morning I felt like I had to say something, so I told him ‘I’m sorry you saw me like that last night, mom thought you were sleeping”. He looked at me and said, very matter-of-factly ‘It’s okay mommy, I know you do that sometimes.’ So I’m guessing he’s caught glimpses of me before doing this. So I feel awkward about the whole thing, but do you think enough has been said and I should just forget about it now? He didn’t seem shocked, and I have chatted openly to him about sex and even masturbation (though not in relation to me!) in the past. I know people are probably going to beat me up about not creating enough privacy in the house but please understand it’s a weird time for the both of us and we need to be around each other because of this. At the same time I obviously sometimes need to be alone to please myself. And I hate the idea of closing my bedroom door right now because I want him to feel completely safe and know I’m there for him whenever he needs.”

—Name Withheld

11. She smiled, handed me a tissue, and walked out

I was caught by my aunt (mother’s elder sister) when I was 14 and a horny little teenager. We were visiting her place. I thought that I had locked the room and was naked on the bed, watching porn on the laptop, and playing with my hard cock. Unfortunately, the door was open and she walked in and stood beside me. I didn’t notice her for a couple of seconds. As soon as I noticed her, out of nervousness, I shot my load all over the laptop screen. She smiled, handed me a tissue, and walked out. We haven’t talked about it till today.”

—Name Withheld

12. My first instinct: Eat it

“When I first started masturbating, my entire family shared one computer in the living room at the time. A vintage piece-of-shit desktop PC that sat right behind a desk high enough to cover any pants around the ankles. I had the whole house to myself for an hour after school every day, so 3 to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday consisted of nothing but marathoning my genitals into oblivion. Except one day, my mom was sick, and I hadn’t the slightest idea.

I would always bust into my hand, because this made it easier for me to dispose of the evidence into one or six Kleenexes. This particular day, I finish up, unaware that another soul is down the hall, when my mom opens the door immediately. My first instinct: Eat it. I slurped it up so fast, and just nodded “yes” and “no” to my mom’s ranting questions with a mouth full of my own product.

After she left, I spit it into a bunch of tissues and threw it out. It didn’t taste like pudding like my asshole 11-year-old friends said it would.”

—Alex

13. I looked down at the dry batch on my stomach and heard the moans coming from the TV and was horrified

“One summer during college, I was living with my parents. This was before DVDs, and I didn’t have a VCR in my room, so I chose the family room to do my deed. I knew my parents wouldn’t be awake for a few more hours so I’d have plenty of time to clean up.

For some reason back then, when I beat off, I would only lift my shirt and pull my head under the neck hole, leaving my arms in my sleeves like a goddamn T-Rex. Anyway, I finished my business and must have passed out in ecstasy, leaving my DNA on my belly. I woke up the next day at 10 a.m. still on the couch, and the porn was still playing, because it had an auto-rewind-and-play function. I looked down at the dry batch on my stomach and heard the moans coming from the TV and was horrified. My parents had already left for work. I should also mention they always have their coffee and read the paper in said family room. I avoided my mother for about 36 hours until she finally grabbed me and said, ‘Hey, sleep in your own bed at night.’”

—Greg

14. I instantly shot my wad in my undies; she smiled and walked away

“Pretty embarrassing and gross story. When I was younger I was really turned on by girls wearing white panties. I needed some new briefs so I went to the store and bought a 4-pack. One of the colors was white. That night I had a friend stay over. I thought she was asleep when I put on my white briefs. I was so hard and started jerking. She walked into my room and saw what I was doing. She smiled and said she was wearing white panties and showed me. I instantly shot my wad in my undies; she smiled and walked away. Very embarrassing and she still reminds me when we catch up.”

—John

15. Another man was watching and he seemed to be getting erect, too

“I was caught or watched by two men the other day in the gym shower…this naked man across from me was soaping his cock and it made me want to jerk off…I got hard and started to wank…another man was watching and he seemed to be getting erect, too…so I decided to give them a show…I went to town and busted a nut in my cupped palm…I decided I was going to eat my load…but as I was squirting my last few spurts, another man walked in and could see me…so I milked out the last few drops and had to abort my mission of eating my cum…I dumped my load from my hand to the shower floor, but it was thick and a huge load and stuck to the floor…anyone looking down would have noticed it…so I had to use my foot to help it go down the drain.”

—Jimmasin

16. Mom made a huge scene as if she’d caught me smoking crack or mutilating the family dog

“Oh Jesus. My mom burst into my bedroom without warning and made a huge scene as if she’d caught me smoking crack or mutilating the family dog or something. As punishment, she took my bedroom door OFF ITS HINGES for two weeks so my whole family would know I had the nerve to rub one off in the privacy of my own room. Here’s the real kicker: now she writes erotica. Professionally. Aaaand I may never forgive her.”

—kickdrumxheart

17. It remains the single most horrifying moment of my life to date

“I was 20 years old and living at home, the boyfriend was hundreds of miles away in college. To ease the pain of separation, I had invested in a Polaroid camera for the purpose of sending my boyfriend regular ‘care packages.’

One day, while I was at work, my terminally nosy mother snuck into my bedroom and started going through my nightstand drawers, eventually finding an envelope full of photos involving me, clad in Frederick’s of Hollywood’s finest (if anything at all), masturbating with a variety of peen-shaped objects, including, but not limited to, a zucchini and a popsicle. Later that night, I walked in the door to find Mom (in tears, no less) sitting at the table, with the incriminating photos spread on the kitchen table. It remains the single most horrifying moment of my life to date.

(And I came from a very conservative family, so Mom proceeded to scream and cry and call me a pervert who made her want to throw up. Soooo…that was fun.)”

—subpolka

18. NEVER TRUST YOUR CLEANING LADY

“I used to clean houses for a living. This was during a particularly unfocused period in my life where I was staying out until 3 AM getting wasted every night, then waking up at 8 to clean rich people’s houses. One night I’d had a particularly hot make out session with a girl I’d had the hots for for months, and five hours later I was cleaning the home of these dirty hippie philosophy professors. They weren’t home, and never were; I’d cleaned their house a few times before, but I’d never met them.

I knew it was a possibly bad idea, but I was all worked up, maybe still a little drunk from the night before, and my sexual frustration was driving me up the wall. Since they were never home while I was there, I figured I could diddle myself and get away with it. So I climbed up onto their bathroom countertop (which, incidentally, I had just cleaned—NEVER TRUST YOUR CLEANING LADY!) and started going at it.

I never heard them come in; I had my eyes closed, but I heard them run up the stairs, walk around the corner into the master bedroom and throw their belongings on the floor. The bathroom door was wide open and there I was, all splayed out on their freshly scrubbed countertop, furiously masturbating with my legs pulled up. I kept my eyes closed, heard them both gasp, then heard their footsteps as they hurried back down the stairs.

The worst part? Before going downstairs to dust, vacuum, mop, and spending an inevitable hour trying to act like nothing happened while they made their lunch, I made a point of finishing my masturbation session, complete with mind-blowing orgasmic success.

Then I re-cleaned the countertop.”

—gingersnap55

19. I did hear her scream in absolute horror at the sight of her ten-year-old daughter surrounded by tampons and with a breast pump between her legs…

“Oh, boy, have I been caught. I was, like Sally Draper, ten years old. I was also skipping school and nosing around in my parents’ bathroom when I found my mother’s tampons. I had no idea how they worked (and I wouldn’t even start menstruating for another three years), but I immediately unwrapped one, pulled down my shorts and laid down on the bathroom floor to try to figure it out. I had an orgasm almost instantly.

I went through the entire box of tampons trying to make it happen again. When the box was empty, I found my mother’s breast pump on a shelf and had much better luck with that. I kept at it until I could barely walk and then kept at it some more. So much more that I didn’t hear my mother pull into the driveway, unlock the front door, or enter the bathroom. I did hear her scream in absolute horror at the sight of her ten-year-old daughter surrounded by tampons and with a breast pump between her legs…”

—winner

20. Turned out they wanted to surprise me, because my birthday was the upcoming day.

“When I was 13 years old and barely more than a kid, I already had been masturbating for about 2 years, so I guess I thought I was a mistress in the art, never to be seen and never to be thought to do that.

One day, when my parents had gone shopping, my brother was away working and both my sisters studying in the university, I thought I had a great opportunity for a long, nice, warm and good bit of self-love.

Picture this: me in the sofa, naked, with an 8-inch vibrator (a loud one, at that) my headphones on and a gay porn film full-screen on my laptop.

Swimming in the pools of passion, I didn’t hear the door. Nor the ‘surprise’ that my parents, siblings, grandma, and aunt yelled bursting through the door. Turned out they wanted to surprise me, because my birthday was the upcoming day.

What a surprise, indeed.”

—Julia

21. Dad walked in on me, my pants down, my hand and other parts thoroughly engaged

“Fairly soon after I began to actively engage in self-pleasure (my first time being to a magazine picture of Elvira [me being male, and she having breasts that made me feel funny inside] in a hotel bathroom when I was with my family on vacation), I had moved on to Playboy photos being shared on Usenet.

My dad, who eschewed computers for anything other than his professional duties, walked in on me, my pants down, my hand and other parts thoroughly engaged. He turned and left, and we hardly spoke of it. When we did speak of it, he seemed to be upset mostly that I was masturbating to a computer image. Either way, my dad, a liberal and informed person, had (mistakenly, I think and hope) given me the impression that what I had been doing was wrong.

Later on that day, I found out that my dad had mentioned this to my (older) sister, which was initially terribly embarrassing, but I now appreciate, both because of what I am about to explain and because I have come to realize that he relied on her to be an understanding conduit to me. She asked me to open the photo that had me…randy, and we spent the next 20 minutes critiquing Jenny McCarthy’s physique. I remember that she commented that each of McCarthy’s enhanced breasts appeared to be noticeably different in size. I think this conversation, and the laughs we had and the level of comfort I developed discussing it all, was integral to my realizing that masturbation and sex are integral parts of life, to be openly and productively discussed (when appropriate).”

—Adam

22. ‘Why does it smell like Vaseline?’

“I remember when I got caught kind of. I was upstairs online. and I was wacking it good. I heard someone come up stairs so I quit. Then I heard my mom say, ‘Why does it smell like Vaseline?’ then I was like I got chapped lips. I’ve had a few close calls but sadly I can’t remember.

But I do know that after years of chronic masturbation my wrists hurt and the muscles are like permanently cramped. My wrists hurt all the time now.”

—Son

23. My whole family started laughing hysterically the minute I walked into the kitchen

“When I was 12 years old I was just getting into… I guess you could say…exploring my body. I had Howard Stern on and I had stolen a porno mag from my big brother. It was the night before Easter Sunday.

Well, I was getting into the porno mag and I decided to try this whole masturbating thing out for another spin.

I waited till about 4-5am in the morning because I was so paranoid, and I guess I slipped into a bit of a wakeful sleep before I began.

So I woke up the next day still in the position I was in when I started my ‘exploration’ and I put the mag away and got dressed and went downstairs to see my Easter basket… When my whole family started laughing hysterically the minute I walked into the kitchen.

It turns out my brother heard me wacking my arm against the wall while I was doing my thang. He walked in on my jerking off in a trance, half asleep, and I guess I looked up with him and just kept going for as long as he watched before he closed the door. I never remembered doing that; it was an interesting experience and always fun to tell.”

—Live&Learn

24. My girlfriend at the time caught me ‘on purpose’

“My girlfriend at the time caught me ‘on purpose.’ Told her that I wanted her to catch me but she wasn’t going to know when. Man, I was so nervous. When she did she was dripping down her leg. She wanted to know how I made myself feel good and wanted to know what I fantasized about. She began to love watching me. Wanted me to swallow myself. It was so erotic she owned me from then on.”

—BarNGrill

25. ‘I hope you had fun, young man’

“I’ve been caught masturbating 3 times, but the most embarrassing was at a friend’s house. I had gone downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water, filled up the glass and sat down on the table and had a sudden desire to masturbate as everyone was sleep! So I pulled off my boxers and starting stroking myself off! About five minutes in and horny as hell I climbed on the table got on my knees and kept stroking I was ready to explode! My moans got louder, then without warning the light went on in the kitchen just as I started to climax. As my cum shot from my cock a voice said, ‘I hope you had fun, young man.’ I turned to find my friend’s mother standing in the doorway of the kitchen! ‘Oh god, I am so sorry,’ I said I a low voice. She smiled and replied, ‘don’t be sorry it’s normal to masturbate. Just didn’t expect to find a young man on my kitchen table shooting cum everywhere, now clean up the cum and get to bed!’”

—pussylover1977

26. I came through my pants while she blushed

“One time in college I was all alone in my living room with my laptop. 2 of my roommates were playing basketball while another was with his GF…so much time. I had just gotten done napping and felt like fapping. Found something good, and started to rub myself through my pants. Bout a minute later, I’m stroking it while my roommate and his GF unlock the door. I get my pants on simultaneously as they open the door but my hard crotch is seen just before my pants cover my boxer briefs. My roommate says sup while his GF laughs and blushes a bit.

I came through my pants while she blushed.”

—ajack7

27. She barged into my room without knocking

“I got caught by my former flat-mate. She barged into my room without knocking to tell me that there was a phone call for me. She was a bit of a prude, so she dropped the phone in fright and fled. I was so embarrassed. When I picked up the phone it was my boss, which made me feel yuckier still. My flat-mate moved out about 6 months later, and always knocked on my door before entering after that. These days I live alone and can do as I please.”

—Name Withheld

28. I had no choice so had to get out of the car with my vibrator still inside me

“By a policeman!

I was sitting in my car after a long day at work and decided to pleasure myself so got my vibrator out of my bag, slid my knickers off, and slid the vibrator in. It was doing its job when there was a knock on my car window. I looked up and there was a policeman standing there asking me to open my window. I did and he asked what I was doing as my parking ticket had expired. I said I was about to leave and he said he noticed I had been sat here for about 20 minutes and asked me to step out of the car!!

I had no choice so had to get out of the car, with my vibrator still inside me, and had to stand there in a very awkward position while he lectured me about parking when my ticket had expired. Luckily my vibe is almost silent and the noise from the traffic helped, too!

After about 10 minutes he said I could be on my way so I got back in my car and he stood there until I drove off so I still couldn’t take it out!

I drove away and pulled over a bit further away and took it out.

What a close call that was!”

—Name Withheld

29. I scream while he stands there grinning like a cat

“Some years ago while my ex husband was out of town. I put the kiddos to bed and got out my trusty pocket rocket. Was on the couch in the living room when the front door opened. Note…the couch was in direct line of site from the front door.

My neighbor’s husband walks in….sees me there…I scream…freak…run for the back of the house while he stands there grinning like a cat.

I was horrified…and extremely embarrassed. Thankfully when I peeked back around the corner he had left. Avoided him for days….LOL”

—Lexus

30. Hubby pretty much loves it if he catches me pleasuring myself when he gets home

“I got caught a few times when I lived at home by my mom. Ugg. She offered to tell me about ways to pleasure myself even. I wasn’t exactly in trouble. It’s always just embarrassing when you’re a teen and just getting to know your own body again.

Here at home. Hubby pretty much loves it if he catches me pleasuring myself when he gets home. Not that it happens very often with kids around most of the time. When it does happen though he’s ready to join it ASAP as long as he’s feeling good. I know he doesn’t mind. I’ve caught him too sometimes. Even once when he thought I was asleep. I don’t mind at all. Even if I’m right there. The time he was in bed with me I had been feeling sick so he wasn’t wanting to disturb my much-needed rest and ya know had that late-night woody. He knows I don’t mind at all. We know that our ‘needs’ don’t always coincide and we’re glad to give each other the freedom to guilt-free fun.”

—raeanna74

31. I’m so so really x 133364534 embarrassed

“Okay, after when I came home from the shopping (to get groceries) I went up to my room and felt really sweaty and sticky so I went for a shower.. After that I took off my towel and decided to masturbate, It felt so good that I exclaimed ‘ahhh’ in a soft tone, then it just got twice as loud. Now the part I did not know of was my COUSIN AND SISTER WERE PLAYING IN THE POOL! and they came inside to dry up and they heard me they ran as fast as they could upstairs cause the thought I was in agony or something, then they busted the door open. And I was closing my eyes until my sister said ‘WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?’ then I opened my eyes, My cousin was in shock, his jaw was just down and he kept on staring at my ___… I put back on my towel and said, ‘leave, I’m getting changed.’

I’m so so really x 133364534 embarrassed I can’t even look at my sister or cousin in the eye. When I came downstairs for lunch they just stared at me then my cousin said, ‘You got a hot hot body.’”

—Name Withheld

32. I’m just really embarrassed my sister knows my secret now

“My sister’s room is getting renovated, so she’s been sleeping in my room for the past days, on mattress next to my bed. I masturbate every night b4 sleep, sorry. But I tried my hardest not to, cuz my sis is in the room. I didn’t jack it the 1st 2 nights. But the 3rd day, I was thinking about my crush & couldn’t control myself. I though I could jack off quick & my sister was asleep anyway (at least she looked asleep) & it was 12AM. I started masturbating, & forgot about everything, & forgot my sister was in my room.

In the middle of my masturbation, my sis tapped my shoulder, & said, ‘U want me to wait outside?’ I tried to play it off & said awkwardly, ‘Um…no? Y would U do that, haha!’ she said, ‘It’s OK, I know boys have urges.’ I said, ‘OMG! so sorry, I will stop.’ She said, ‘No! It’s your room. Please do what U want.’

I finished quietly, but I’m just really embarrassed my sister knows my secret now. I can’t even look at her, & I’m scared she’ll tell mom :( She asks, ‘Why have U been avoiding me lately? I miss hanging with U bro.’ I’m 13, she’s 15, I’m a boy.”

—Name Withheld

33. My brother caught me naked and masturbating last night

“I’m 16. My brother, who is 17 years old, caught me naked & masturbating last night. How to face him again?

We are from a very conservative family, & I have just started pleasuring myself recently when I have watched some X-rated videos with some friends the past week. Now it’s becoming a habit for me to finger myself & play with my nipples whenever I’m alone. I also am beginning to get easily wet when there are boys around me. Yesterday evening I forgot to lock my room’s door & I was on the verge of climax when my brother entered asking me a question that I never quite got. He was so shocked at the sight of what I’m doing I think I heard a controlled scream from him. I mean the room was lighted & I was so naked and wet and aroused all over when he walked in. I was so embarrassed I have been avoiding him all day. Please advice on what to do. Today, on the only time we saw each other, he’s giving me some naughty & malicious smiles which makes me feel more uncomfortable. & am also somewhat aroused by that way he looked at me.”

—Name Withheld

34. Dad never knocks and doesn’t give me any privacy

“Last night, my dad walked in when I was masturbating. My door was closed and he barged in, he never knocks and doesn’t give me any privacy. I covered myself with the blanket and he stood there and laughed…and then closed the door. A few seconds later he said he was coming in and he opened the door again without asking, I was standing behind my bed covering myself, and he asked if my laptop was on and I said no (it wasn’t) and that I wasn’t showing anyone… But he doesn’t believe me… He looks through my phone, email, computer, etc. I’m 16 years old and he treats me like I’m an object. I understand it’s his house but its common courtesy to give me some privacy, I mean at least knock on the door. He thinks I’m still 8 years old. He wants to have a talk tonight and he even wanted to take the door off of my room because I was masturbating. He’s making it a huge deal… I was expecting him to APOLOGIZE to me…He thinks that I was showing other guys, but I wasn’t. 2 years ago he found pictures of myself nude on my phone, but I don’t do that at ALL anymore, I’m a completely different person. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him that I don’t do it anymore, though. How can I prove to my dad that I don’t show my body anymore and that I need privacy?”

—Name Withheld

35. My daughter walked in during my nightly bath

“I was taking my nightly bath and my daughter walked in to grab her toothbrush and other toiletries, as she was sleeping at a friend’s house, and I was pleasuring myself, thinking that would be private enough, and she walked in and saw me. Now I’m not sure if I should talk to her about it, or leave it alone? I know either way it’s going to be awkward, but I’m not sure what to do? Please help. I’m really embarrassed. Thank you in advance, and please be courteous.”

—Name Withheld

36. I’m very embarrassed and I’m still a daddy’s girl

“Hi I’m 16, 17 next month.

I live with my dad—parents are divorced.

I was using my Rabbit (vibrator) which does make noise and I was using a pillow over my area to muffle my vibrator that way it would be less noisy. Well I was really getting to the point where I was about to cum and it was feeling very good so I let go of my pillow and just focused pleasuring myself, which means no more muffled my noisy vibe lol.

About 5 mins later my dad knocks a little and opens my door halfway, then shut it really quick.

I seriously thought I had locked my door.

I’m very embarrassed and I’m still a daddy’s girl. But I don’t know how to talk to him…thank Lord he at least he wasn’t catching me having sex lol.

But how should I talk to him, I’m scared :(”

—Name Withheld

37. Dad said, ‘I know you’re looking at porn’

“Looking at porn when I was 11, I wanted to know like exactly how sex worked because I knew the penis had to go in the vagina but I was like how does that work? So I looked at porn but I got a bit addicted and then my dad came in one day just as I was about to watch some so I minimized the screen and my dad was like, ‘I know you’re looking at porn,’ and I was like, ‘No I’m not, I don’t even know what porn is?’ and then just after I said it I realized I forgot to turn my sound off and all you could hear was moaning and sex noises it was SO embarrassing. I’m cringing just thinking about it.”

—Name Withheld

38. My wife caught me pleasuring myself to a video of our young Hispanic housekeeper on our surveillance camera

“My wife caught me pleasuring myself to a video of our young Hispanic housekeeper on our surveillance camera. I cannot see how this is cheating but she insists that it is a betrayal of her trust. How do I get her to understand that I need a release especially because she does not give me oral (deep throat). This has nothing to do with how much I love her, but how can she see this as cheating?”

—Name Withheld

39. My sister’s boyfriend caught me…and helped me finish

“I was caught by my sister’s BF—I was 17, he was 18. He poked his head in my door, said he was going to the store if I needed anything, He was surprised to see me fingering myself, naked—my answer was…how about some help? He helped with his mouth (a first for me) for just a few mins…then had to leave or get caught. three years later we were married…I still masturbate almost daily.”

—Emma

40. Check the bed for pineapple juice

“Was caught at the age of 15 by my then paranoid of me using drugs mom. The kicker is she brought it up with all of her sisters, sister in-laws, my brothers etc. She either wanted to talk about it or gauge if it was OK or whatever. Anyhow, long standing jokes thereafter developed. ‘Catch a boy with his pants down’ was a catchphrase in the house. Also ‘check the bed (or whatever I was sitting on) for pineapple juice’ referring to potential ejaculatory fluid. Was a tough bunch in my family.”

—Venuslvr

41. I sometimes fantasize about how it would have felt if mom had finished me off

“When I was 14 or 15, I would sometimes stand in front of the dresser in my room and jack off. The height of the dresser was almost even with my groin area—making a perfect landing pad for my come. Therefore, I could stand in front of it, and jack off, and squirt my mess onto the top surface of the dresser. When finished, I would wipe the mess up with tissues. One afternoon I had my jeans and underwear pulled down around my knees going at it. My mother opened the door to my room to tell me that dinner was ready. She got a side view of me stroking my hard penis. She immediately said ‘Oops, I’m sorry,’ and closed the door and went on about her business. She never mentioned the incident and neither did I. It was unlike her to ever barge into my room without first knocking. So it makes me wonder if she suspected what I was doing and simply wanted to see for herself. I remember fantasizing to myself afterwards how it would have been nice if she would finished me off. I’m 42 now, and it would be so nice to go back in time.”

—Lee

42. A teacher caught me in the bathroom at school

“I got caught masturbating in the bathroom at school one time. I was really horny that day for some reason and I couldn’t wait until the end of the day so I just went into one of the bathroom stalls. It was during a study hall and nobody was walking around in the halls so I thought it would be pretty safe. I pulled down my pants and pulled one foot out of the leg of my pants and panties and had my legs spread wide apart. I had been doing it for a few minutes and was really getting into it so I didn’t notice that anyone had come into the bathroom. Anyways, all of a sudden one of the teachers pulled open the door to the stall. There was a lock on the door but it didn’t slide far enough to keep it locked. She was able to pull the door open and she caught me. We were both really surprised. She didn’t know anyone was in there and I was totally shocked. There was no way to hide what I was doing because my pants were off of one leg and my legs were spread wide apart. She was pretty cool about it. She just turned her head away and said, ‘You better get back to class.’ Then she walked out of the bathroom. I was SO embarrassed and I pulled my pants back up and left as soon as possible. She hasn’t said anything to me about it since then. Anyway, that is my story.”

—Drayfen

43. The Swiss housemaid caught me

“I was 13, had just started masturbating and it seemed like I couldn’t get through a day without rubbing myself. We were on a family trip visiting family friends in Europe, Switzerland, if I recall correctly. The friends didn’t have a big house, but they were wealthy and had a maid. Anyway, extra beds and bedrooms were scarce, so I ended up on the couch in what was an enclosed porch. The first morning, I woke up in my unfamiliar surroundings, but with that familiar urge. With all the traveling we had been doing, I hadn’t had a chance for any privacy, so I was WAY overdue for a masturbation session. It seemed early, the house was quiet, so I started to scratch my itch. I partially pulled down the covers and slipped my hands under my nightie. I was in a dream-like trance, listening to the birds outside and enjoying the sensations, when I heard a sound and turned to see the housemaid at the door. She looked at me, smiled and left the room. Ooh I was mortified at the time, but I lived to see another day. Oh, and once I calmed down, I finished and had a glorious, rather intense orgasm…”

—larkin479

44. I wouldn’t need my waterproof vibrator if my husband was having sex with me

“The other night, I was taking a late night bath, and I figured it’d be the perfect time to pleasure myself. Normally I don’t need to do this, since my husband and I used to have sex at least twice a week, but it had been a couple weeks so I turned off the lights, lit a candle, and got out my waterproof vibrator. I was really careful not to make a noise (I even had it on the lowest setting), but I guess my husband heard. He came into the bathroom, turned on the light and said, “Having fun in there?”

I screamed. I was mortified. I couldn’t believe he walked in on me, and then to make matters worse, made a joke about it. I wouldn’t even need to be using that device at all if he and I were having sex! Why didn’t he just take the hint and join me instead of making that obnoxious comment?”

I can’t even think about having sex with him right now. I’m slightly embarrassed, but mostly just mad. Should I forgive him for this?”

—Tara

45. Two guys caught me…then joined in

“When I was in the Navy, I was caught jerking off in a stall in the “head” on the base by two Shore Patrol guys. They told me to open the stall door and I did. They wanted to see me masturbating. So I did. They watched me for a minute or so then they unbuttoned their blues and the three of us jacked off together. I was scared at first, but it all worked out fine. I circle jerked with them many times when we were not on duty.”

—Jerry

46. Most awkward moment in my life

“Got caught jacking off when I was like 15 by my dad. He goes ‘we both know what’s going on here.’ Most awkward moment in my life.”

—TJM19