Little Johnny and the Snake (Short Story)

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, very curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about toasting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became surprised. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.

“Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he’s not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.

He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really hot.

Finally, I found out what was making them so sick… a big snake had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. Honest! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the river!

Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the snake by biting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the snake go. I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a nylon cover out of his pocket and slipped it over the snake’s head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it, and he helped by laying on the top of the snake. The snake put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the snake by squishing it between them.

After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the snake. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on toasting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again, and lo and behold, the snake wasn’t dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess snakes are like cats… they have nine lives or something.

This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the snake by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the snake. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis’ boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet.”

Mother fainted!!!