What A Woman Thinks When You Send Her A Naughty Pic Of Your D!CK. MEN PLEASE TAKE NOTE!!

When it comes to guys, every girl has her thing. Be it dimples or lips or shoulders or arms, there’s no shortage of beautiful body parts that we could appreciate for hours. But despite what many of you may have been led to believe (by who, we have no clue) an unsolicited picture of your junk isn’t one of them. Certainly not on its own, and especially if we don’t have a personal relationship with it.

So stop sending us d!ck pics we didn’t ask for.

Seriously, we don’t want to see them. In cases where we’re actually interested in said junk, imagining it is more than enough. (And probably better, too.) And while it’s hard to pinpoint when exactly sending d!ck pics became an acceptable “thing”, or who told you it was OK, all I can tell you, on behalf of every girl I know, is that they lied. And whatever you think you’re doing or saying or achieving with these little treasures of yours, it’s the exact opposite that comes through.

Here’s a look what happens on the other side after you press send.

#1. “Ew, Gross” If you’re not going to take a few minutes to make sure the picture is actually worth it — grooming, lighting, angles, clear composition so that we don’t mistake graininess and shadows for something much worse — don’t take it. And though you may be proud of how big Jr. is, or how many rodeos you two have won together, none of that translates in a picture. None. The best way to make a woman think your p’εnis is beautiful is to use it to please her. Because a visual is only going to remind her of every other p’εnis she’s ever seen, and trust me, you don’t want her to go down that road.

#2. She Feels Violated. Once the shock has settled, this is the feeling that registers. And just so we’re clear, it’s not so much violated in a sεxμal harassment kind of way — though, I think it’s probably worth mentioning that would stand under the law as such if things ever ended up going that way, FYI. But no, I mean in a ‘robbed of her innocence’ kind of way. Because she can’t unsee what she just saw. Nor can she really get back to whatever it was she was doing before your p’εnis interrupted her day, not comfortably anyway. It’s there, burned into her memory, forever. And all she sees is p’εnis now, everywhere. (And not in a good way.) So, thanks for that.

#3. You Obviously Don’t Respect Her. To put it plainly, we’ve fallen for enough bull enough times to get that there is absolutely no part of sending her a d!ck pic that says “hey, this is because I care.” And to try to convince us that it’s some kind of twisted compliment or funny joke is really just a tad insulting. The fact is, the only message a move like this sends, and quite clearly at that, is that you see her as a certain type of girl. More specifically, the kind of girl that is only good for one thing. And that’s not going to get you anywhere, no matter how true or not that is.

#4. She Obviously Can’t Respect You. I mean, how can she? Not only is it clear that you don’t respect her, but quite possibly (and more concerning) women all that much in general. Biggest turn-off possible.

#5. You Clearly Don’t Have Much To Offer. Much like those girls on Instagram who post about their new favorite lipgloss topless in a G-string, starting with your p’εnis says just about everything we need to know about the kind of guy you are. Mainly that you are a douche without any social skills or halfway decent understanding of women. Not to mention the sense of humour of a tween. Not exactly the “catch” we’re looking for, in fact, it’s literally the opposite. And no p’εnis, no matter how large or wonderful, can compensate for that.

#6. You’re Definitely Not To Be Taken Seriously. Because if you don’t, how is she supposed to? At very best you thought sending her a d!ck pic was either very funny or very sεxy (honestly, I’m not even sure which you were more wrong about), and at very worst you think she’s cheap, and decided to lead with that. No guy who takes himself seriously, or let alone wants others to, chooses to start so low.

#7. Where Did Things Go Wrong?

As in, at what point is this how you interpreted what she wanted from your interactions together? One of life’s greatest mysteries is how men tend to mistake a woman’s basic kindness for wanting to have s’εx. And really, even that’s a stretch because we don’t even need to be kind, sometimes just our very existence is enough. And yet, the worst part is that when we do get something like this from a guy, we very often end up questioning ourselves, and whether we did in fact mistakenly send the wrong message somehow, at one point.

#8. …Did She Ask For This? This sends us into a mass (albeit quick) review of everything we’ve ever said, done or posted since knowing you. A quick scan of the social accounts to see if they could be interpreted as desperate or thirsty, and mental run through of all conversations, emails and/or texts we’ve shared to see if any unintentional asking to see your p’εnis ever took place. In most cases, it doesn’t take long to come to the rather comforting conclusion no, in fact we did not accidentally demand a photo of your naked crotch at any point; this is just you getting up to no good all by yourself.

#9. Sharing Is Caring Obviously, if you’re sending this to her it’s because you want it to be seen, right? So who is she to stop that from happening? There’s a good chance she’ll want to share it with some friends. Of course her share will come with a little more backstory — name, social accounts, relationship history — not to mention a few eye rolls and jokes about color and size you’d probably be happy you don’t have to hear, but that’s sort of what you signed up for when you sent an unsolicited dick pic. Also, she will not be the only one traumatized by this — this is exactly the kind of sh*t girlfriends were invented for.

#10. What Exactly Was The Goal Here? This is part we always get stuck at — the point. As in, what is it? To lure her in? Turn her on? Get her to send one back? Because that’s not how you do that. Visuals are your thing, remember? We like, and need, the build-up, the anticipation and mystery of it all. That’s Intro to Women 101. The only thing an aerial view of your member does for us is generate a look of disgust and a conjure a shrieking “Ewwww!” I mean really, what did you expect?