I'm Charming, But Why Are Men No Longer 'Toasting' Me?
I'm a single woman in my 30's and my
problem is that I cannot find a man and I honestly have no idea why. I'm
attractive and all my friends say I'm a nice person. I'm aware that you
can meet a man at any time, not just when you're out socially on
Saturday nights, so I never step out of the house looking anything less
than perfect.
I keep to my trim figure, dress nicely,
well-groomed and, because I was aware I was being too choosy, I've tried
hard to give men I don't even fancy a chance. But now men just don't
seem to find me attractive at all. I don't get chatted up though I make
sure that I look friendly and approachable when l'm out. l'm at my wits'
end and honestly don't know what else to do. Philo, by e-mail.
Dear Philo,
Your whole being seems to be devoted to
finding this person, who, I suspected, you feel will complete you.
You're not just eager to meet someone, it has become an obsession.
The problem with being so fanatical
about something is that it makes you come across as a bit neurotic. Men
spot desperate women a mile off and the sensible, nice ones, make a run
for it realising you want a life-jacket, not a boyfriend. The not so
nice men single you out, figuring you're a great candidate for someone
they can treat badly, knowing you'll put up with it because you'll do
anything not to be alone. You don't sound like you are at that stage
yet, but you're not far of! You need to stop looking and turn all this
energy inward.
Throw yourself into enjoying your
career, enjoy your friends rather than using them as emotional crutches,
read books, see movies you like, go to the gym, make new friends and
find new things to enjoy. Also stop looking so perfect. Nails always
polished, not a hair out of place could put people of! You sound like
the girl who turns up at a barbecue in killer-heels and your little
black dress when everyone else is in casuals, just in case there might
be a single man present. This is termed 'the single girl look' and it's
often unattractive. For a change, aim for the just got out of bed look.'
This is bound to attract more men as
they see a woman who looks perfect, and not think 'high maintenance' or
'she must be desperate for a man'. If you really want to get a man,
leave your hair all messy, pull on your oldest pair of your favourite
jeans, add a pair of casual slippers and a vest, but make sure your bra
is showing. Put on the barest minimum of make-up and a mysterious smile
that says 'who cares in meet a man? I'm here to have fun!' and see what
happens. Then sit back and enjoy all the attention that is bound to come
your way.
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